Worst Email Forwards of All Time

The worst email forwards of all time?  Why, pray tell, would I drag up that ugly fad of the 1990's (and for some lucky individuals, present day).  Because I find them hilarious.  We (over)share everything via Facebook, Twitter, G-chat, and texting anyway, so why not relive the good old days?

5.  Mall parking lot rapist. 
Beware women!  Creepy, deranged men are hiding under your car, especially on Black Friday.  He will slit your achilles tendons and then kidnap you.  Be sure to look under both your car and the adjacent car before unlocking your door.

4.  Animated American flags

I have nothing against patriotism, support for our troops, or the American flag.  I just dislike animated American flags, especially when set to John Phillip Sousa.

3.  Angels or Precious Moments

Angels are NOT sickeningly adorable children sitting on fluffy clouds.  Nor do I appreciate their poetry.  I don't have my own guardian angel saving me from the crazy drivers on the Beltway.  (But if we did have personalized angels, mine would be named Clarence.)  People do not become angels when they die and then look after their loved ones.

Be honest.  Would you rather this: 

or this

 fighting off evil, protecting, and praising?

2.  Cute, fuzzy animal pictures

True confession time.  Sometimes I like these forwards.  But only those without an angry cat sopping wet.  Extra bonus points for video clips of cats and dogs doing silly things.

1.  "Friendship" chains (You will die if you don’t pass this friendship chain on in the next FIFTEEN MINUTES.  There was a girl who didn't pass it on and she had bad luck for a year and then caught the bubonic plague and died.)

Nothing says friendship like a death threat.

Popular variations include the recipe exchange and the underwear chain.  The latter of course actually involves real mail and the US Postal Service, and it creeps me out to no end!

Any classics I left out?