The White House and Puke

Yes, you read that correctly.  Monday I had the pleasure of chasing six fourth graders all over the White House Front Lawn.  I never had any inclination towards parenting multiples, but I now have even less of a inclination.  Also, I will not give my children names with the same letter.  It might sound nice in theory, but three of my wards had names beginning with "J" and two with an "H" sound.  I don't know how many times I said, "Sorry. Yes I KNOW your name is ______.  Don't wander!!!"

For those of you who have never experienced the White House Easter Egg Roll, picture this: 30,000 children and adults trampling the Front Lawn.  Kids shrieking to Willow Smith in concert.  Every possible Nickelodeon or PBS character in costume.  A Chinchilla rapping about hula hoops, soccer moms, and bullying.  86 degrees of relentless heat with no shade.

At one point, my least trying student "D" mentioned to me that her stomach hurt.  "Keep drinking water.  I know it's really hot out here."  She mentioned it again and I encouraged her to just get to the exit where we could sit in the shade and have some fresh air.  (Insert dark, ominous cloud and accompanying eerie organ music of what is to come...)

We creeped towards the free Peeps and commemorative egg table at the exit.  Guess which one they were more excited about?  "He didn't even sign it himself!?!?!?!"  "Do you remember how many people are here today?"  "30,000."  "Do you think President Obama has time to sign it 30,000 times?"  "(Sigh)  No.  (Pause)  Can I eat my Peeps now?"

And then, I felt a pull on my shirt.  And my foot. got. a. bath.  In throw up.

Everything in me wanted to scream, "AUUUUUUGHHHHH.  That is SOOOOOO disgusting. Ew. Ew. EWWWWWWW."  Instead I calmly said, "You're ok.  MY GROUP?  ON THE GRASS.  NOW."  My poor student continued to empty her stomach, but this time I moved my foot.

We moved over to the side of the crowd and someone brought her a cold bottle of water.  I made sure she was ok and then asked the others for any extra water they had.  "Do you want the really full bottle or the half-full one?"  "I don't care.  Either."  "Which one?"  "You pick.  Just give me one now."  He handed it over and watched as I immediately poured it all over my foot.

"Oh," he breathed in understanding.  Life with elementary schoolers has made me considerably less germaphobic.

For Love of You

You live in a million places
Your fingerprints can be seen on a million faces
and there's a trace of You
in every halleluia
every song that I sing

and for love of You
I'm a sky on fire
and because of You
I come alive
and it's Your Sacred Heart within me beating
Your voice within me singing out
For love of You - oh - for the Love of You

by Audrey Assad

Animal DIS-Orders

Ms. A, are leprechauns part of the cat family?

Do you mean leopards?

Oh.  Yeah.  Leopards.

That's so punny!!!

Pardon my abuse of this platform, but I can't help myself.  Thanks Mollie.  I hope you don't live to regret this.  Too late.

Why did the Easter egg hide?
He was a little chicken!

What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?
He cracked up.

Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
Because he was eggo-centric!

How did the eggs leave the highway?
They went through the “Eggs-it.

The Rape of the Lock

A couple of days ago I began my spring break.  I was actually awake during my morning routine and noticed my scraggly hair in the mirror.  Onward to the hairdresser.

Confession time.  I am a cheapskate when it comes to haircuts.  My half-cousin (is that really a word?  I just made it one.) is a hair stylist and he charges upwards of $100 a head.  WHOA.  I am not so extreme as to get free haircuts from the hair salon school.  But I have finally grown up a little and settled on one stylist, so at least there is some consistency in the process.  I have had one too many bad experiences in that department.  Lack of English skills, lack of communication, lack of haircutting skills, etc.

Unfortunately I forgot that my hair stylist only works afternoons like when I go to visit her after school.  I arrived at the store Monday morning and THEN remembered that.  Too late, I was already there.  I figured, "How bad could this be?"  My hairstylist was very friendly.  She was also very short.  And extremely well-endowed.  And lacking support.  Those last three combinations make things difficult when trying to wash a patron's hair at the sink.

Shudder.

Also, I left the store smelling of strawberry Bubblelicious and cigarette smoke thanks to the close proximity of my hairdresser.  Lesson learned.

Similes in First Grade

Me: "A, where is your guiding reading bag?"
A:  "I lost it."
Me: "Where do you think it could be?"
A:  "Hiding like a cow."
Me:  "Oh.  Are cows good at hiding?"
A:  "YES."

Cringeworthy, yet Contagious Music, CCM

Last night at Panera, the home to all grand brainstorms, my discipleship group had so many interesting discussions we joked we should make a blog to write about them all.  No one jumped on a witty blog title to start us off, so I am stealing all of the ideas for my own posts.  Bwah hahahaahhahaha.  Besides, I am the only one with a blog, and so few people read it, no one will ever care about the copyright infringement.

One of the most fun discussions was over CCM, or Christian Contemporary Music.  All five of us share a distaste for the horribly cheesy and washed-down radio station available to the DC broadcasting area.  They are wimpy and overly cheery.  They do sometimes play good music, but you have to put up with a lot in exchange.  But I don't have a strong opinion about them.

I, however, was surprised to hear what a broad spectrum of opinions we had about CCM in general.  This ranged from the-only-radio-station-I-listen-to to only-if-you-held-a-gun-to-my-head-and-even-then-I'm-not-sure (BTW, I love hyphens).  All of us love music, just to varying degrees in the CCM world.  The antis brought up the point that Christian music is often cheesy.  WHAT?

Remember the viral video from 2008?  It has since been featured on Community and Glee.

Sometimes songs were destined for failure from the start and did not have coolness even in a former decade.  Really, was a song named, "The Happy Song" by a band named Delirious the best choice??  (Apologies, I could only find this with Portuguese subtitles).

Also, being a music star, Christian or not, does not always require musical talent.  Thus songs get overplayed that should never have seen the light of day.

Unfortunately it sometimes feels like there are more cringeworthy songs that good ones.

What CCM or worship songs would you banish from this world?

Family Life is way more fun the second time around

Tonight I emptied my pockets.  In them I found a set of question word flash cards (who, what where, etc), a half-used sheet of smiley face GLITTER stickers (those are a HOT commodity), and a pencil cap eraser. Some may call it bribery.  I call it positive reinforcement.  Either way, there's no doubt I am a teacher.

In other news, to those who were worried, rest assured that fortune tellers have not gone out of style.  In fact, they are in full-force in fourth grade.  And I give mad props to the fourth graders who try valiantly to convince me that they are educational.  Mm hmm.  [Please envision almost-perfected-you've-got-to-be-kidding-me teacher look]

Lastly, today was also the first day of Family Life.  I stayed in with the fourth grade boys, just for kicks.  Oh what I would give to have a video clip to share!!!  Today's lesson was a juicy exposé on hygiene.  Only one of the thirty boys actually knew what the word hygiene meant before the lesson began.  Always a good sign.  

After a rousing and question-filled session, my boys now know that they must shower "DAILY.  That means every day."  They also need to start thinking about using deodorant to which one lad offered a pitch for Axe.  The guidance counselor quickly retorted by strongly encouraging a LIGHT application.  And it doesn't work on dirty bodies.  Just on clean ones.  The fourth grade boys were also very saddened to learn they must wear fresh clothes each day, including socks and underwear.  "What about boxers?"  "Yes, even boxers.  Whatever type of underwear you choose to wear.  You must change it."

I for one, am overjoyed at the timeliness of this session.  The levels of Oust needed to conquer a classroom of post-recess fourth grade boys in spring borders on toxic.